I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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