Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
