Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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