I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Randomize
