youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
