Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize