how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I have tasted many bathrooms
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
