I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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