Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize