this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
