Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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