Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
