drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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