Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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