You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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