in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You are the jesus of drinking
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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