Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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