Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you would pick up someone in the library
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
