STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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