NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
