we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Hippo gnu deer
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
