I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
