how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
