i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
