We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
