Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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