Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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