Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
