I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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