I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
