I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
