So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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