So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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