Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
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