me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
