man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
