I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Panties = found
Randomize
