I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
