i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
