I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
