I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
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