We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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