i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
