i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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