I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
