Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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