I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
