God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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