my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize