Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
