Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
