There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
