final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
