i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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