I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
