That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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