textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
