Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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