Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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