Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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