Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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