Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Less talking, more tequila
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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