haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
