hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
