I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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