My nipple is on Facebook.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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